Blue Jays 2017 season has come to an end with the team finishing with a record of 76-86. The season was a disappointment thru and thru starting off with a 2-11 record that the team – who had just gone to back-to-back ALCS’s – would not recover from. The team lead by President Mark Shapiro released it’s official statement at the end of the season today. Here are some highlights:
“This is what happens if you don’t stop calling us SHATKIN’s! Seriously it’s dumb. No one likes it. We are two separate people! You’re being assholes!”
“Even though this season wasn’t what the Blue Jays organization wanted it to be, we can all say that we are happy to see Cleveland back in the postseason. Especially now that they have Edwin, man it was great when they signed him. Good luck guys!”
“We want to recognize the great season Justin Smoak had. We didn’t want to admit it but we had the real Justin Smoak killed last February. Luckily we were able to create a clone from a urine sample – grey area ethically but somehow within the MLB guidelines – and able to program it to layoff curveballs. The results were was fantastic! We may be looking to apply this to other players to further their development.”
“The red jersey’s were a cause of concern this year within the organization and the fan base. On top of playing miserably in them, John Gibbons would often become confused on what team he was coaching. Sometimes walking up to the home plate umpire halfway through the game and asking ‘why the fuck he was coaching the LA Angels.’ To avoid any more confusion and since the team is called the BLUE Jays we will be ditching the red jerseys for 2018.”
“Jays Shop on sale now red jerseys only $250! If you buy enough we’ll put a bid in for Otani……maybe.”
“The Blue Jays organization intends to be competing for a playoff spot in 2018. Along with a strong starting 4 and stars like Josh Donaldson……. and um other ok guys like Russel Martin and Kevin Pillar. We intend to add to the depth of the organization and keep growing our minor league system but you all know the dollars been down so upstairs ain’t exactly stoked to go out and spend a bunch of money.”
The team’s statement also addressed minor issues that happened during the season such as:
Joe Biagini’s attempt to change his name to ‘Sadness Von Rinkleroy’ after a particularly rough outing against the Twins on Aug 27th.
Tim Lieper giving away where the good scotch was kept in Gibby’s office.
John Gibbons calling every catcher other than Russel Martin ‘Salty” throughout most of the year. Even after being told Jarrod Saltalamacchia only played 10 games with the team.
The statement was rather upbeat for a team that finished 10 games below .500 and with a tonne of question marks heading into 2018:
“The organization wants to thank the fans for coming out all year and supporting this dismal season. 2018 looks to be much better. All we need is Travis to be back and healthy, Tulo to come back and be better, Sanchez to pitch 200 innings, Osuna not to blow as many saves, a rightfielder, a leftfielder, Smoak to somehow do what he did again and Martin and Donaldson to be healthier. That’s it and we’re right there! I mean you’d hope.”
On that that note the Blue Jays finished off statement by releasing the official slogan for the 2018 – #LetsHope